“Even if one cannot be connected, stay with the disconnection.
This is the most important thing for you to work on."
(Jeanne de Salzmann to Ravi Ravindra; Heart Without Measure)
POSTED DECEMBER 22, 2017
The first step is to ‘learn to listen,’ to wish to listen, to wish to drop the chaos in oneself in the same way that we drop the body at physical death. This step means that we won’t interfere any longer, will not change anything (in the beginning not even ourselves); that we will not quarrel, that we have no opinion to insist upon; that we will not translate what we hear into our automatic daily language—which would be equal to letting it go out the other ear. This step means that one stays quietly apart from the million-fold army of attacking thoughts and feelings and physical associations…
(Louise March's introduction to The Tibetan Book of the Dead)
POSTED DECEMBER 10, 2017
More from Gurdjieff on conscious self-remembering:
Gurdjieff: It would interest me very much to know something about your self-remembering. How does this work go? Do you often forget? Is it easy? Difficult, or something else? Are you pulled into life, and do you do it often? Or not often? Who does it? How? What value do you give to self-remembering? I would like someone to tell me how he behaves in regard to this.
Questioner: I have the impression that my self-remembering is not voluntary. It is given to me at certain moments. I would like to do it in the moments when it is difficult, and when I am unable to do it.
Gurdjieff: It is not a question of that. You have the task of remembering yourself. We do it as a task. Do you understand? …Give yourself as task "All or Nothing." If you cannot do that, you are nothing. You must achieve that.
One must take as a task to remember oneself.
Do not consider the conditions; consider the moment of decision. At each of the three [times you decide on in advance], you absolutely must remember yourself. You enter into yourself; you feel that you exist with all your presence, and this—this is your task. Afterwards you break it all. One cannot always self-remember. What counts is to do it consciously. With an automatic decision, that is worth nothing.
Questioner: I do not understand, sir, how you wish me to understand the word consciously...
Mine de Salzmann: Because you have decided intentionally in advance—you feel that it is conscious.
Questioner: But the word has no meaning for me.
Mme de Salzmann: Intentionally in advance.
Questioner: The sensation is not strong.
Gurdjieff: Your decision is not strong. You must decide many things. You must put yourself in a quiet state—relaxed—and in this state settle your task. You try it. Ten times, a hundred times, you fail. You continue. You take trouble. Little by little you train yourself and you achieve it. But not in one effort. This is a very little thing; and it is the most important. Remember yourself consciously. Consciously. That is to say, by your own decision. To remember oneself and at the same time, collect oneself together, to penetrate deeply into one's very self—these then are the conditions. If you cannot continue for a long time, try it for a short time.
Questioner: Why? I do not succeed, Mr. Gurdjieff.
Mme de Salzmann: At the beginning you must do it by your own decision, not by chance, not because it happened to come to your mind. But because you have taken the decision to do it at a certain moment, and you do it.
(G.I. Gurdjieff & Jeanne de Salzmann; 'Wartime Mtg' #28)
More on 'energy'
"You will remember that when we spoke of the work of the 'three-story factory,' I pointed out to you that most of the energy produced by the factory is wasted uselessly, among other things energy is wasted on unnecessary muscular tension. This unnecessary muscular tension eats up an enormous amount of energy. And with work on oneself attention must first be turned to this.
"In speaking of the work of the factory in general it is indispensable to establish that it is necessary to stop useless waste before there can be any sense in increasing the production. If production is increased while this useless waste remains unchecked and nothing is done to stop it, the new energy produced will merely increase this useless waste and may even give rise to phenomena of an unhealthy kind. Therefore one of the first things a man must learn previous to any physical work on himself is to observe and feel muscular tension and to be able to relax the muscles when it is necessary, that is to say, chiefly to relax unnecessary tension of the muscles."
(G.I. Gurdjieff; In Search of the Miraculous; p 349)
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POSTED DECEMBER 5, 2017
Those who heard lectures must have already heard of, thought about and tried the so-called "self-remembering." Those who have tried have probably found that, in spite of great efforts and desire, this self-remembering, so understandable to the mind, intellectually so easily possible and admissible, is, in actual practice, impossible. And indeed it is impossible.
When we say "remember yourself," we mean yourself. But we ourselves, my "I," are—my feelings, my body, my sensations. I myself am not my mind, not my thought. Our mind is not us—it is merely a small part of us. I wish to remember myself as long as possible. But I have proved to myself that I very quickly forget the task I set myself, because my mind has very few associations connected with it.
I have noticed that other associations engulf the associations connected with self-remembering. Our associations take place in our formatory apparatus owing to shocks which the formatory apparatus receives from the centers. Each shock has associations of its own particular character; their strength depends on the material which produces them. If the thinking center produces associations of self-remembering, incoming associations of another character, which come from other parts and have nothing to do with self-remembering, absorb these desirable associations, since they come from many different places and so are more numerous.
And so here I sit.
My problem is to bring my other parts to a point where my thinking center would be able to prolong the state of self-remembering as much as possible, without exhausting the energy immediately.
It should be pointed out here that self-remembering, however full and whole, can be of two kinds, conscious and mechanical—remembering oneself consciously and remembering oneself by associations. Mechanical, that is, associative self-remembering can bring no essential profit, yet such associative self-remembering is of tremendous value in the beginning. Later it should not be used, for such a self-remembering, however complete, does not result in any real, concrete doing. But in the beginning it too is necessary.
There exists another, a conscious, self-remembering which is not mechanical.
(G.I. Gurdjieff; edited from Views From the Real World; 1923; pp 232-235)
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POSTED NOVEMBER 28, 2017
On Aim & Relaxation:
“If our aim is not formed, we’re not in the work yet.”
“Before it is possible to work on attention a person must know why and what they want to direct attention towards.”
(unpublished exchanges with Mme Ouspensky; Mendham 1946-1950)
“Relaxation is without end…you can go very far with relaxation…relaxation – only the intellect can do that. May God help you with your intellect.”
(G.I. Gurdjieff from a ‘wartime’ mtg, October 16, 1943)
She said, in effect, that one's attention wanders in associative thought, and does not make a connection with the body because the body is full of tensions. The body needs to be perfectly alert and perfectly relaxed. As she says very often, "Any tension anywhere, and the connection is broken.” p 124
She told me, "The most important exercise is to have the body as relaxed as possible in every situation.” p 167
(Ravi Ravindra with Mme de Salzmann in quotes; Heart Without Measure)
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POSTED NOVEMBER 18, 2017
I told Madame de Dampierre that I feel stuck in my head and that I almost feel it should be cut off. She said even when one doesn't think or say a word, one can be stuck in the head. She said, "We have a mind as we have a body. One cannot be without the body or the mind. The mind cannot not think any more than the lungs cannot not breathe. But we need to work with a different kind of thinking. Thinking without words; that is attention. That is the energy of the mind which needs to be directed to the body. Even if one can work hard at it only for half an hour a day, a deep satisfaction comes. Not associative thinking, but deep visionary thinking. That is the importance of giving oneself a task or an aim. The task simply is to maintain, or return to, a connection between the mind and the body. That is where sensation can be most useful."
(Ravi Ravindra with Pauline de Dampierre in quotation marks; Heart Without Measure; p 112)
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POSTED NOVEMBER 10, 2017
In our usual state of sleep, of identification, we can know nothing. When I am wholly identified, I am completely absent. There is nobody to see, to know. There is not one particle of attention free to see. In my state of sleep I wish to work, and I try in one way or another. But this is impossible. It is absurd to pretend in my sleep that I wish to work, while all the time dreaming that I can. I need to put in doubt my illusion of myself, my habitual affirmation. The first effort is to awake, in order to see.
We do not give enough importance to the moment of awaking, the moment we see ourselves as we are in our sleep. We believe that to awake is to enter into an entirely different life, which will have nothing in common with the one we lead. But, in fact, awaking means, above all, to awake to ourselves as we are, to see and feel the sleep, the identification. The moment itself when we emerge and see the identification is the only moment from which an impetus could come. Only then do I have a chance to wake up. Afterward, in the next instant, I justify, I lie. During the moment of the impression, I realize that the level of my state is very low. I am concerned and wish to get free. Then I wish to be present. In seeing myself taken by my imagination, suddenly I am awakened, as though by a light. I wake up by becoming aware of my dream. I recognize a great possibility: I can awake when I am not entirely taken.
Although we could wake up, most of the time we refuse this possibility. We could awake to our own Presence but do not. And when we do, we see that we cannot remain present. I was awake, now I find myself asleep. I was present, and again I am not here. Most of the time I am absent but do not know it. And if I do not discover the way I am taken, I will remain caught in a circle with no way out. To see, to know, becomes the most important aim. It is necessary to understand that I can be able and can wish, that I can work to be present. I need to wish to stay present and to be able to stay present.
The way in which I question myself, in which I try to know what I need, is very important. I can no longer begin from a vague wish that I take for granted. I have to know why I work and what effort I am making.
(Jeanne de Salzmann; The Reality of Being; pp 80-1)
* * *
Mme Et.: May I ask you for some advice? I was wanting to ask you: when I do my work of remembering myself, I am always hampered by the same idea: how can I do my work, how can I organize my day, so that everyone in the house is happy? And during the day, it's just the opposite. I am hampered by the ideas that have to do with the work. I think about what I've heard here and at Mme de Salzmann's, and that constantly impedes me.
Gurdjieff: That is the result of the demands of daily living. It happens to everyone. I've often said this. You must set aside a special time each day for the work. Not all the time, The Work is a very serious thing. You cannot work interiorly all day. You must make a special time and increase it little by little. To this work you give half hour of the 24 hours. During this half hour forget all the rest, put all the rest aside. It's a little thing. You sacrifice to this time all your occupations, all the work of your exterior functions. Sacrifice everything for your interior work and afterward you can put it aside for the things of ordinary life. You cannot do this work all day.
Mme Et.: I think so. That becomes mechanical: I am, I wish to be.
Gurdjieff: You mix, you must not. Don't mix this work with ordinary work. We have two kinds of waking state. For this work, you should have one active waking state. But a half hour of this waking state is enough for the rest of the day, which you live as you have the habit of doing. You can do this? And if you can't do a half hour, even ten minutes is rich for him who work ten minutes. You must give and sacrifice to this work a special time. You cannot give all your time. Life is one thing, the work another. The substantiality of each one is different: for this work you must be more active. I've said this many times. When you begin your work, your task, it is your work. You should, even before beginning relax yourself, prepare yourself, collecting yourself. Afterward, with all your being, you accomplish your task. It is a very complicated thing. You cannot do it for a long time. You are soon tired. It takes all your strength; if you do it five minutes too much, you are drained of all strength. It's for that reason that I say you must increase the time little by little, until you are used to it: five minutes, six minutes, ten minutes. Only this system will always give you a good beginning to prepare you for acquiring the state that is becoming to a real man. And if you work a long time, that proves that you do not work with all your being - you are working only with your mind. But as to that, you can do it for a thousand years without gaining anything; it is worth nothing. Work a short time, but work well. Here it isn't the quantity but the quality that counts. Life is one thing. Do not mix it with other things. Five minutes of good work is worth more than 24 hours of another kind. If you haven't much time, work 5 minutes. Let ordinary life continue automatically according to habit the rest of the time. What you say does not concern the work. Our life is one thing, the work another thing. Otherwise you will become a psychopath. You remember yourself with your mind - it is worthless; remember yourself with all your being. You can't do it for long, you drain yourself. Do it for 5 minutes, but forget everything else. Be an absolute egoist, forget everything, your God, your husband, your children, money - remember only the work. Short, but substantial.
(G.I. Gurdjieff; ‘Wartime’ Mtg 15, 1943)
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POSTED NOVEMBER 5, 2017
In my state of being today there is no stability, no “I.” I do not know myself. I begin to feel I must come to a moment of Presence that is more complete. What I need above all is to have an impression – as deep as possible – of myself. I never have a deep impression. My impressions are superficial. They just produce associations at the surface which have no memory and change nothing, transform nothing. Gurdjieff spoke of impressions as food, but we do not understand what it means to feed ourselves or its significance for our being.
...the very first thing I need for conscious action is impressions of myself, both in quiet conditions when I am more open to what I am, and in the midst of life when I try to see myself being lost. Until I have a certain quantity of impressions, I cannot see further, I cannot understand more.
We think of impressions as lifeless, fixed like a photograph. But with every impression we receive a certain amount of energy, something alive that acts on us, that animates us. I can feel this when I have a new impression of myself, an impression entirely different from the way I usually experience myself. I suddenly know something real in myself in quite a new way and I receive an energy by which I am animated. But then I lose it. I do not retain it. It goes as if taken by a thief. And when I need it most, when I wish to be present in front of my life, there is no support to help me and I lose myself. I begin to see that impressions of myself are food, that they bring an energy which must be received and must be retained.
We need to see what is in the way... At times, maybe for a flash I am open to an impression. But almost immediately I react. The impression is automatically associated with other things and the reaction comes. The button is pushed and this or that thought, emotion or gesture must follow. I cannot help it, first of all because I do not see it. My reaction cuts me off from the impression...
What I do not see is that I lose all contact with reality when my habitual functions take charge. Now, for example, I turn to my body and sense that my body is here. I sense my left arm – that is, I have an impression of my left arm. As soon as this impression reaches me, it provokes my thought, which says, “arm…left arm.” And at the moment I say this to myself, I lose the impression. In thinking of the arm, I believe I know it. I have more trust in the thought than in the fact, the real existence of the arm. But the thought of the arm is not the fact. And it is the same with my own reality. I have the impression of life in myself, but as soon as I think “it is me,” I lose it. I take my thought to be the fact itself and I believe I know it. With this credulity, this blind belief in my thought, I no longer have any question or any interest in receiving the impression.
I am unable to take in impressions consciously. Therefore, I do not know myself. At the same time I need this more than anything else. If I cannot receive an impression of myself, I will never be able to remember myself and know what I am. The moment of receiving an impression is the moment of becoming conscious. It is the act of seeing.
(Jeanne de Salzmann; The Reality of Being; pp 33-4)
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POSTED OCTOBER 29, 2017
Intellect is fine, one hears, except that it cannot change one’s state. What can? Seeing. It “gives” a “state of freedom.”
“There is an ascending movement toward a sensitivity, a receptivity. Seeing allows this other energy to appear so I can be related to it.” It is not about what is seen – but the emergence of “a Look upon oneself” that is like the sun coming out. “Stay just exactly as I am. There is an intelligence in me that can accept. Like the sun. It doesn't care if an ant is crawling across the rug. The sun radiates with life.”
When one is under this Look, there is no instructing oneself to accept what is observed – no steeling oneself to something undesirable – because acceptance is in the very nature of the energy present: “Acceptance is ‘energetical’. Not that “I” accept but that I am related to this energy that accepts all.” To change what is seen has no appeal for it is not where the treasure lies. Instead, it “doesn’t matter what is seen; you are more awake, in this finer energy.” One wishes only to stay with the flow of Attention because, like the sun, “it warms you no matter how you are, doesn’t care how you are.” Never mind images of oneself, how one should be: “Just let it be as it is and observe…”
“In life there are many kinds of bait. The ideas are a kind of bait – from a loving source – for a purpose. Don’t identify with the bait.” When one’s identity and self-image are bound up in some particular thing – anything transient – one has lost the connection with “this quality of energy that is not mine but what I am.”
“Being with the greatness of nature, another quality appears, another self, connected to something outside time and space. The feeling of joy when awake in this energy is natural, because suddenly you are part; you have your place in it....”
One may not yet be stable in this Attention – perhaps “thoughts come and take it” – but “I can return, become active, engaged, related again to that, feel gratitude, not to go far away from that. Both worlds together for a moment.”
(Michel de Salzmann in quotes; Notes on the Next Attention; edited from pp 3-36)
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POSTED OCTOBER 20, 2017
True will does not seek to win a prize or a reward; it comes from a deep feeling of a duty fulfilled that, once accomplished, gives something in exchange; it brings with it not something material but instead, the satisfaction of a duty well done and an impression of personal integrity that makes us stronger and truer.
We must learn to ask ourselves to complete what we have begun, starting with something that, although apparently very small, is nonetheless within our reach; one way of not fulfilling our obligations is to set ourselves tasks that are too big, that we cannot possibly finish, thereby providing ourselves with a good excuse.
(Nathalie de Salzmann de Etievan; A Sense of Wonder When I Do Not Know; edited from p. 41)
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POSTED OCTOBER 13, 2017
When I awaken in life by chance, I see that I am not prepared. My engagement is not by conscious choice and my attention is scattered. In order for me to be present, there must be a certain wish or will, a certain quality, that does not come from my ordinary person. My effort has to be made with something beyond my ordinary means, beyond my ordinary “I.”
For this I have to take a decision. I decide to remember myself and to remain related in two directions at a predetermined moment in a specific circumstance. Usually, my moments of work are isolated and unconnected. When I remember myself alone in the quiet, I go away from what I am in life. I refuse what I am in life and cannot know it. Then, when I try in life, I have nothing prepared in advance, nothing on which my effort can be based. My effort is therefore weak, slack. So I need to connect the moments when I work in the quiet with the moments of work in life. I need to connect them consciously by a decision... But taking a decision to work is very difficult because the decision has to touch these two aspects of myself at the same time...
Our entire Presence must be here at the moment of this decision, including our ordinary “I.”
(Jeanne de Salzmann; The Reality of Being; p. 92)
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POSTED OCTOBER 1, 2017
I had never doubted that I still took understanding on a perfectly normal level, inevitably referring new ideas to reference points that had somehow been already established in my head, and there was a part of me, quite strong, which simply looked upon this as a necessary kind of questioning. At the same time, I had also become completely convinced that work on myself could lead to an absolutely different kind of understanding, for what one ‘understood’ in the ordinary way was really only ‘knowledge’…the work of one center. How feeling and sensation could ultimately be united with this perception, ensuring a balanced work of the three lower centers, remained a mystery.
(Dorothy Phillpotts; Discovering Gurdjieff; p 191)
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POSTED SEPTEMBER 22, 2017
Effort:
"...This word at first means something you strive for. But you understand at a certain point that the kind of effort you need to comprehend is different; that what is meant by effort is letting go. It is an effort because I have to struggle against what is ingrained in me about the idea of effort: it wants to get something, to do something. Finally after years of trying, I begin to understand that the nature of effort is to allow something to appear. This new meaning of effort has to do with relaxation. And it really is an effort to understand relaxation when all my training was to strive, to battle against, to chastise some aspect of myself.
(Paul Reynard)
* * *
Impressions:
We do not understand the moment of receiving an impression and why it is so important. We need to be present because it is the shock of the impression that drives us. If there is nobody here at the moment an impression is received, I react automatically, blindly, passively, and I am lost in the reaction. I refuse the impression of myself as I am. In thinking, in reacting, in interposing my ordinary “I” in the reception of this impression, I close myself. I am imagining what “I” am. I do not know the reality. I am the prisoner of this imagination, the lie of my false “I.” Usually I try to awake by forcing, but it does not work. I can and must learn to awake by opening consciously to the impression of myself and seeing what I am at the very moment. This will be a shock that awakens me, a shock brought by an impression that I receive. It requires a freedom to be in movement, not to stop the movement.
(Jeanne de Salzmann; The Reality of Being; p 14)
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READING FROM MTG OF SEPT 7
An impression of oneself is an organic phenomenon that is not at all intellectual. How is it that at one moment I don’t vibrate and that another, I do? How is it that I receive or do not receive a current of energy, allow it to feed me or not to feed me? How do I sing with it, or resonate with it like a musical instrument?
Life keeps hitting us, producing only a dull sound. Yet, suddenly, there is a pure, crystalline sound. How does that come about?
You see…our life doesn’t change. Everyday the same thing – day in, day out, we receive the same impressions! But it can happen that one day, bombarded by these same impressions, I have the feeling that my life is brand new, fascinating, rich. What makes this possible? That is what I need to recognize.
There is one extremely simple thing: it doesn’t even enter my mind that I exist…and it never occurs to me to stop and be attentive to this.
It takes daring. I dare to try letting myself be convinced that I EXIST.
(Michel Conge, Inner Octaves; p.132)
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POSTED SEPTEMBER 2, 2017
Q: How is it that ideas in which you believe and of which you are convinced, do not penetrate profoundly into you, but remain on the surface and do not affect your life?
G: We have two independent organisms. One is the result of our preparation, the other is our body at the beginning. This body can only function when I am relaxed, quiet and alone. When I enter into life, it is weak. I cannot do any more and it is the [habits] which get the better of me…..Before manifesting yourself in life, when you are alone in the house, you relax yourself and you make a program, how you must manifest yourself during the day. Then, you suggest to yourself to follow your program exactly. You fall, ten times, twenty times. [But] the twenty-first time you can do what you have decided to do when you were alone…You enter in life and you try to do as you have decided. If you do it very well, you give yourself something nice. And if you forget, you punish yourself.
(G.I. Gurdjieff; Transcripts of Gurdjieff’s Meetings: 1941 to 1946; pp. 81-2)
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POSTED AUGUST 25, 2017
“We need to learn how to work. One succeeds more or less, but it must be clear what is to be done. Work with others, often. This will help you very much.” (Jeanne de Salzmann; Heart Without Measure; p 24)
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POSTED AUGUST 20, 2017
Saturday Workday, August 19, 2017
Readings that supported our work together:
- The first condition is to know in myself a different quality, higher than what I normally am. I must remember there is another life and at the same time experience the life that I am leading. This is awakening. I awake to these two realities. Without a relation to something higher, I am nothing, can do nothing. p 14
- “We must come to know whether we are conscious in a given moment, and all the degrees of this consciousness. p 20
- To be present is to remember oneself. I wish to keep part of my attention on the awareness of belonging to a higher level and, under this influence, try to open to the outer world. This is the act of self-remembering. p 15
- We need to remember ourselves for our essence to receive an impression as opposed to our normal situation in which only personality receives an impression; this requires a conscious effort at the moment of the impression which itself requires a certain feeling…a love for being present pp 12-13
- What is too often missing is knowing what I want. And it is this that undermines my will to work. Without knowing what I want, I will not make any effort. I will sleep. Without wishing for a different quality in myself, to turn to my higher possibilities, I will have nothing to lean on, nothing to support my work. I must always, again and again, come back to this question. What do I wish? It must become the most important question of my life… [But] it must be free from the desire for a result. I wish to be, to live in a certain way. pp 19-20
(Jeanne de Salzmann; The Reality of Being)
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POSTED AUGUST 19, 2017
“[Many people] follow the precept that ‘trying is not enough; what we have to do is succeed.’ Without taking anything away from the merits of achievement, an emphasis on trying rather than achieving puts emphasis on willingness and the wish to make an effort to achieve something. Trying allows for experimentation without fear of failure, given that ‘we’re only trying.’”
(Nathalie de Salzmann de Etievan; A Sense of Wonder When I Do Not Know; p 125-29)
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I asked her how to make efforts in the Work without fear. She said, "The real fear is the fear of 'not being able to.’”
I also described to her that sometimes for a week or so it is easier to connect with [something] higher, and sometimes for days or weeks it is much harder. She said, "That is quite normal. Our attention is not developed enough to sustain [a connection with something higher]…Nothing lasts long. One has to begin again and again...You should work with others. You will see that gradually your attention will develop so that you can stay longer in touch with higher energy.”
“Even if one cannot be connected, stay with the disconnection. This is the most important thing for you to work on."
(Jeanne de Salzmann to Ravi Ravindra; Heart Without Measure; extracted from pp 140-144 and pp 173-5)
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POSTED AUGUST 14, 2017
"We must learn to ask ourselves to complete what we have begun, starting with something that, although apparently very small, is nonetheless within our reach; one way of not fulfilling our obligations is to set ourselves tasks that are too big, that we cannot possibly finish, thereby providing ourselves with a good excuse."
(Nathalie de Salzmann de Etievan; A Sense of Wonder When I Do Not Know; p 20)
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POSTED AUGUST 6, 2017
Yet another take on 'facing the lack':
I had been thinking of asking a question in the group meeting when Madame de Salzmann herself articulated it: "Is the work accepting what I am, or struggling with what I am?"
In what followed it became clear that these two are not different things. "To accept what I am, to suffer myself, to stay in front of my inadequacy, is to struggle with myself. I do not like what I see and I wish to change it immediately so I will not have to suffer what I am in reality. And I see that I cannot in fact change myself, because I do not have enough depth of seeing. Furthermore, the way I am is the result of the whole of my previous life, much of which I do not see. Therefore I imagine myself already in a transformed state. I can see that imagination and fantasy result from not being able to stay with myself as I am. The energy from even the little seeing that I sometimes have goes into weaving a fantastic scenario rather than into a transformation that might result from the heat of suffering. Whatever else it is, the practice of intentional suffering must surely include suffering what I am."
(Jeanne de Salzmann; Heart Without Measure; p 118)
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THE FOOD DIAGRAM
